Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Ode to a Prodigal

PRIDE: The first started with one word, “I”…….Satan declared, “I” will ascend into heaven, “I” will exalt my throne above the stars of God: “I” will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: “I” will ascend above the heights of the clouds; “I” will be like the most High. ~Isaiah 14:13-14

My wants, my needs, my rights – the cry of a selfish people. The intolerant of the intolerant. The judges of the judgmental…who also dare to judge God. I must have my way or I will disown you father, mother, sister, brother, husband, wife. You must accept my selfishness or I will cast salt into your open wound and turn away from the good you have done because it was not enough. It was never enough. Your sacrifices I spit upon…you should have done more. I was not satisfied. I was not content. Your pain means nothing…it only infuriates me. It’s not about you, it’s about ME! It has always been about me….my wants, my needs, my rights. You must meet them or I will reject you. You must feed them or I will leave you wanting. For I am my own god and you must bow to my wishes or I will not love you…I will not need you…and I will show you no mercy…I will only show you disdain and look at you with loathing. Why? Because you still exist. You are a memory of what I once was. You are a portrait of a good way and a right way…a way that I turned my back on…a way that brought me peace…a way that felt so different…a way that had hope…but, a way that caused ME great pain because it was a way that caused me to love…and love hurt. My heart was broken. My hope was crushed. My plans were squashed. My dreams were shattered. My darkness was made darker and my thoughts turned inside…and my anger burned. Is there anything left for ME? Does anyone care about ME? Does this world…..see……ME?

How do I find my way back? Dare I go back the way I came? My world is gray. I can’t see the sun. There are no rays of hope. Peace I cannot find and sweet release through sleep eludes me. Every way I turn I see confusion, pain, and suffering. Anger, jealousy, bitterness, and unforgiveness are my friends, but in them I find no joy, no satisfaction. I am in a world filled with people, yet I am lonely. I hear whispers…they must be about ME. I hear laughter…it must be at MY expense. Where is God in all this? There is no god. And if there is, he does not care. He sits at a distance, not concerned with the affairs of mankind. He does not care about ME. I beat my chest and cry, “HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME!”

G—o— d……are you there? Do you see—me? Did you ever love—me? Is there still hope for—me?

Is my mind playing tricks? Did I hear another whisper? The voice is not familiar, yet it seems like I have heard it before. There it is again! Who whispered my name?! I see no one near. I’ve looked all around. I guess it was just my imagination, my mind running wild. 

I am no stranger to whispers……voices that stay in my head. They shout of condemnation……they tell me I am a failure……that I am worthless……that I will never be good enough.

Another whisper! But, this voice is different. Its tone is softer, gentler. Somehow, it tugs at my heart strings and stirs something inside……a feeling of long ago yesterdays……a melody that pulls me…….draws me to it like a sweet fragrance…….it seems so familiar……could--it--really--be?

G—o— d……are you there? 

Why does my heart flutter? Again, a stirring within……a barren well coming alive from old springs that were dammed. Rushing water......crystal and refreshing. Satisfying a thirst……didn’t know I was so parched……I can’t get enough. My eyes squinting.....a ray of light from above......I can’t turn away. My heart bursting……..a feeling so grand. Weight is lifting. Sand no longer shifting. A blanket of warmth.

G—o— d……are You there? Child, I’m here....

Do You see—me? Do You still love—me? Is there still hope for—me?

This time I heard Him! It really is He? He’s not in the distance! He’s right here with me!

I’m sorry I hurt You. Lord, I’m sorry I lied. I tried to forget You, but Your love would not die. You broke through my dark clouds and tore down my wall because I was worth it, now You’ve made me Your child. 

No longer a slave. In chains I was bound. I was so lost, but now I am found! His goodness and mercy, compassion and love, cracked open a stone heart, and placed in His own.

No longer in darkness. Hope, I can see. The God of all comfort is now living in me. For what He has done I can never repay……before Him I’ll bow on resurrection day.

Until I see Him and fall at His feet, I’ll walk through this land, many I’ll meet. Each I will tell of His marvelous grace, never stopping until I see His beautiful face. 

But, first, I must make amends. Many I’ve hurt. True hearts that loved me...…where are the words? How can I go back? What will they say? My child, they still love you…still to this day. They wait with open arms. To you they will run. The day they have prayed for……the homecoming……of their prodigal son. 

There will be rejoicing in heaven that will ring throughout time. More rejoicing for one than the ninety and nine. Although God told the story of a prodigal son, many daughters have fallen and terrible things they have done. But, God in His mercy, has loved them as well, and His great love to them He will tell. For daughters become princesses and His sons are a prince and to Him great glory comes through all this.

Pride has been broken. God's grace abounds. Glory to God in the highest we all do resound!

TO THE HUMBLE: “And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away. Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for GOD RESISTETH THE PROUD, and GIVETH GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may EXALT YOU in due time.” ~1 Peter 5:4-6

For His Glory,

The Princess Warrior

Lindsay, please come home! ~Mom

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Copyright © 2009 The Princess Warrior Ministries. All articles are copyrighted on the date they are posted, unless otherwise indicated. All rights reserved. Permission granted for not-for-sale reproduction in exact form including copyright and web address. Other uses require written permission. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture references are taken from the King James Bible.

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