Originally Posted March 7, 2012 By
Lately
it seems the word ‘modesty’ ranks with the likes of ancient concepts
like, oh, chivalry. I mean, it’s 2012. Does anyone REALLY worry about
modesty anymore? We’ve been liberated. It’s not about what we wear. As
women, we can do what we want, be who we want to be, and parade around
in any attire we so choose. We need not have any regard for how it
makes other people feel. We fought for this ‘freedom’, didn’t we?
Hmph. We’re more sexually objectified and oppressed than we’ve ever been, all in the name of liberty. And modesty – where is modesty? Some women want to know. I mean, what
are we to do with culture when it comes to what we wear?
As Moms, how do we honor God, our children, our husbands, and
ourselves? Where do we stand in this mess that says ‘hot moms’ have it
all and frumpy ones should just stay home in their jogging pants? Really, where do we stand?
For me, it comes down to this:
“Am I dressing attractively or dressing to attract?”
The concept was mentioned in a great book by Josh Harris. In fact, it was his wife who made the statement and I agree completely
in her wisdom. She challenged women to look in the mirror and ask the
question: “Am I dressing attractively (so I look presentable and suited to the occasion/setting) or dressing TO ATTRACT (to attract extra attention to myself)?”
I think there are a lot of Christian women who don’t understand how the way they dress affects the people around them. My attitude really changed when I started thinking about modesty as a love thing.
I think we often attribute dressing nice as something positive, which
it can be. But it can also often mean dressing to display ourselves.
We talk about vanity but we don’t often talk about love as it relates
to this topic. The bible teaches strongly against causing others to
stumble. It really does come down to how we show love to others in ALL
we do. Men are visual, period. As Christian women, we ought to be
thinking about how we can dress as to NOT attract that ‘attention’ that
causes men to stumble. And also, I believe it is extremely important to
show respect to the Mothers and the wives of the men in the room by
dressing appropriately. This is the loving thing to do, and we are
called to love.
I know many readers will be wondering what it means to be modest. Can
I just be open and say - I am so uncomfortable with posts and articles
that outline step by step instructions for how to dress modestly or for
“biblical womanhood”. Matters of the heart are between us and God. Our
convictions may be different and thank goodness we serve a God of grace
unending. I don’t want to type out criteria for what I believe would
qualify as ‘modest’ in a girl’s wardrobe. I don’t want to offend people
and, really? Who am I? If you are seeking God and asking Him to reveal
His will for you on this topic, He will. He gives wisdom to those who
ask for it in His name and for His purposes.
For a LONG time I struggled with this issue. The need to feel wanted
by men. It’s wrong. It’s destructive. If you are struggling with this
desire, please, pray about it and talk to a strong woman of faith about
your feelings. I know this is a huge topic, and I was moved by so many
women who contacted me and discussed how they related closely with a
post I wrote called, “Hot Mom Syndrome“.
God has taken me on quite the journey – because I asked for it. For
me, I know in my heart if what I’m wearing is appropriate because I feel
it in my spirit. There’s nothing wrong with being stylish, but it can
be done with modesty. We all want to be neat, tidy, clean, and feel
good about ourselves, sure…
But isn’t there a much higher calling for us, far beyond feeling ‘good’ about the way we look? We
must grow a deep desire to consistently show love to other women and
ultimately, to our brothers in life, by remaining humble and modest in
the way we dress and the way we act. If we cling to Jesus
and walk in His ways, it is our heart that will radiate beauty… He is
the only one who can truly make us shine.
